IHOP Girl: My last will...

Sunday, June 14, 2009

My last will...

I was told this week by SFL that my singing and eating Cheerios could result in my death...which technically is true, and seemed to fit perfectly with this little bit of humor I found laying on the desk at work.

This is mainly to make SFL laugh, and I know that you may be insulted, but please look at this in the light of sarcasm, and from the point of view of an old woman (I did slightly modify it for reader censor- you'll see).

*****
I, being of sound mind and body, o not wish to be kept alive indefinitely by artificial means.

Under no circumstances should my fate be put in the hands of pinhead politicians who couldn't pass ninth grade biology if their lives depended on it, or lawyers/doctors interested in simply running up the bills.

If a reasonable amount of time passes and I fail to ask for at least one of the following:

Glass of wine
Chocolate
Margarita
Birds and Bees
Martini
Cold Beer
Chocolate Chicken Fried Steak
Cream Gravy
Birds and Bees
Mexican Food
Chocolate
French Fries
Chocolate
Pizza
Birds and Bees
Ice cream
Cup of tea
Chocolate
Chocolate
Birds and Bees
Chocolate

It should be presumed that I won't ever get better. When such a determination is reached, I hereby instruct my appointed person and attending physicians to pull the plug, reel in the tubes, let the 'fat lady sing', and call it a day!

****
Hope this gave you a morning chuckle - It gave me one yesterday. I don't know who wrote that - it wasn't me - but if I had I so would want credit for it!

Happy Sunday!! Hmmm, I realized that maybe that wasn't a good post for a Sunday. God has a sense of humor right? Hehe!

3 comments:

shrunken_frontal_lobe said...: actually i meant that your suggestion of drawing deep breaths of pollution filled nashville air while eating cheerios could cause ingestion of large particulate matter into your air intake resulting in loss of power followed with crash landing.

as for your last will. where's the part about bequething everything to SFL. who in his beneficience will dole out little trashy trinkets to undeserving "friends" who will treasure them as little "rememberances" of their friend. SFL will keep all the valuable stuff, sell them, and depending upon the value, buy something he likes.

i will pull the plug no matter if you request something or not. actually the simple mathematical relationship:

NO ASK = PULL PLUG

is an easy one for a frunken-lobed geezer like me to remember.

he!

ps- where is the plug now???; 10:58 AM
Clair Bannerman (alias) said...: OMG haha you crack me up! /e gives wuvings!! You can have my stuff any day, none of it is worth anything anyways. The plug? Hm good point I'll have to look...; 12:37 PM
shrunken_frontal_lobe said...: WOT wants you to know she disavows any of this, and is mortified that SFL would publish it.

WOT actually is making a play for all your possessions around me.

she is giving me the hairy eyeball and squeling her vigorous objections while i read to her what i'm typing. i'm sure you can visualize the scene.

ha ha ha

she is so easy to rile up!

it's actually one of her most redeeming qualities to me.

that's what made me hit her on the head with my club and drag her by the hair back to my cave those twenty-nine years ago today.; 1:41 PM

Movie Night In...I love a good movie!

Mega Mind
Taking Chance (Will make you cry like a baby)
Charlotte Grey (A bit of a different take on Nazi Germany)
Series - Merlin (I LOVE BBC)
Robin Hood (Okay, a love Russell Crowe, you'll have to understand that about me...)
Kingdom of Heaven (Chuck full of acting power with an epic tale)
Miss Potter (Such a great film! Story of the creator of Peter Rabbit)
How to Train your Dragon (Possibly my favorite animated movie ever...I'm like a little kid, I watch it over and over)
Buck (Sundance winner, Biography of Horse Trainer, heart touching)
Lost in Austin (Modern day spin on Pride and Prej.)

Life as a nurse...

Great words by Reb Jeff: Vayishlach: Facing Death

"Rachel died. She was buried on the road to Ephrat — now called Bethlehem. Jacob set up a pillar above her grave. It is the pillar at Rachel’s grave to this day."–Genesis 35:19-20

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vidui http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shiva_(Judaism), and preparing the notifications to the community, feel like little fragments of the sacred. I have been entrusted with the care and tending of the most powerful, complex and difficult emotions that a person can experience in life. I have been made, in some small part, a guardian of the memory of a departed soul — a life that touches upon many other lives.After dropping off my older daughter at her high school this morning, I made a stop at Treasure Coast Hospice http://www.tchospice.org/, a remarkable organization that sets a very high standard for the loving and respectful care of the dying. There, I visited a lovely man whom I have seen a few times in his hospice room. I sat by his bedside and listened to him (in full possession of his faculties) as he told me about his worries about his family, the support of his wife after he is gone, and the future of his children and grandchildren. I was deeply moved by the way he put any concern for himself — even while facing death — in a distant backseat to his concerns for his family. When my own time comes, I can only hope to have his awareness of the way that one life can touch so many others.Also at hospice, I visited a woman I have known for the past two years — a dear soul who is a former Jewish religious school director. I sat with her, too, singing psalms to her as I listened to her heavy and labored breathing. I have no medical training, but I have come to know the sound of a person who is close to death. The body begins to fight for each breath as it slowly looses it grasp on life. As I held her hand and sang, I realized that being a rabbi is no protection against becoming one of the people caught in the web of connection. I, too, am changed by the loss of a life that has touched mine.Later in the day, I met with a couple from our congregation. She had just learned that her brother died yesterday in a car crash. Coming to terms with the loss is made more difficult for her by the fact that she and her brother had not seen each other or spoken in five years. Sometimes, people think it is easier to mourn the death of someone who has moved out of your life. In my experience, though, it's harder. Grief is magnified by wounded love and regret. I have no magic words to say to ease the pain of mourning. All I can do is listen, become a vessel in which people place their stories, and offer compassion.Actually, there is one more thing I can do. I can have faith that "all I can do" is all that I need to do. It is enough.In this week's Torah portion (Vayishlach) Jacob watched Rachel, the love of his life, die in childbirth. He was overcome by grief. Jacob had worked for his cruel uncle Laban for fourteen years to earn the right to marry Rachel. Now she was gone. Because she died while they were traveling, Jacob had to bury her by the side of the road. He built a pillar of stones on the spot to mark the place as sacred.This is what we all do, in one way or another, when death enters our lives. We grieve and our hearts break. We wish that we could continue to walk along the path of life with our loved ones forever, but the dead cannot fully join us. We have to leave something behind in order to resume our own journey. So, what do we do? We mark the moment as sacred. We erect monuments — both in cemeteries and in our hearts. The stones we place on top of stones remind us that a life may end, but its sanctity is forever.The Torah says that the monument Jacob built for his beloved continues to stand until this day. A life that touches the lives of others never ceases to send living reverberations throughout the web that binds us all.