The Daily Struggle

First of all - thanks to you all for the prayers and sweet comments that you've posted. I really appreciate them all, even though at times I feel like I depress everyone around me, and I hate that. However, maybe some of this will help you guys at some point. Also, know that if you EVER need a shoulder to cry on believe me I am always here, and now I have so much empathy I'll probably cry with you hehe.

How funny it is that at one moment I am doing alright, and getting through while the next minute my stomach is in knots, and I'm struggling. This is such a weird season for me! At church tonight I had a really good reminder about how God's power is best displayed through our weaknesses, but man...this is not fun. Haha, that is hilarious! Why do I expect my struggles and weaknesses to be easy? Doesn't that contradict the whole point of a weakness? I guess I just think that I shouldn't have to go through this, that dealing with the physical is soo much easier then the emotional; boy was I wrong. *sigh*. You know how you have a picture in your mind of the perfect wedding, house, or kids? Yeah, well I had the perfect idea of what life would look like. I mean heck I've dealt with a lot over my 23 years, right? I was like; "I have this under control - I can deal with this". HAHAHA - yeah right, I didn't see this curve ball...so can't handle it. I'm like the kid that looks up at their Dad saying "Dad I thought I could do it myself, but I totally messed it up. Can you fix it?" (SFL - no panicking ;p).

My mom has been here for the past week or so, and that has been an awesome support, but unfortunately it doesn't fix it all. Can you be bipolar, depressed, and anxious all at the same time?? :p I know that working through things take time, but part of me wishes that I had a guarantee that I was working towards something. Right now its hard, I'm looking to the future, trying my best to eat well, focus on the good, get involved with people here (i.e. not being so isolated), and really get back to the Lord. Maybe it just takes time. I guess I'm trying not to change everything in my life, and instead give things time to help. Its easy to wonder if I should attempt to move to day shift at all cost (i.e. switching jobs), if I need to go talk to "someone" (/e thinks that I would tell them I same things I say here - and what are they going to say?), or explore the thought that all this originates from some physical ailment. Poor Paul!! How I can understand his "thorn in the flesh"!

Maybe this is Gods' way to strip my pride? It is so hard for me to look people in the face and say that actually life sucks right now. I feel like I'm always the one with a smile, and to have the table turned is very humiliating in a way because I feel like one of those people on Dr Phill who we all laugh at saying how messed up their lives are, and "if only they knew Jesus". Well, here I am, a roller coaster mess. I really do hope that this is a God lesson, but you know what - even if it isn't does that mean His is in any less control of it? No. I guess I just want the assurance that there is an end to this, that I'm going to get "back to normal", that I'm not going to turn into some permanent mental case. Well, on a positive note - if that happens I guess I can quit work, get disability (for some mental disorder), and learn to knit. Haha, ok I don't think that is going to happen, or at least I'm clinging to the hope that it won't. I've always felt that God has a plan for me (not that I know what that is). I think I'm rambling, but somehow you guys on here have been an awesome life-line for me to just pour out my mess. It's not pretty, it's not even something you probably want to read, but it's my story, so thanks for listening.

Forging Ahead

Once again we are looking down the long hallway of the coming year hopefully with anticipation verses the available and often appealing selection of negativity that so often clouds our minds. I am actually excited for this new year, knowing that this Fall has been much the season of shedding; dropping the leaves I kept to surround my lonely and not so visually attractive branches (fyi - its an analogy). How funny it is that I would love to jump right to spring, to see the beautiful blossoms emerge from the cold and dull limbs. However, the critical part is winter - that season of solitude; a place where surrounded by snow and frigid air the life source of the tree dives deep into the ground pushing its roots farther out, that it might be sustained in the harshest of environments. If winter was skipped the blossoms that follow would be an empty display, and not a wondrous celebration of survival and hidden growth. Growth that can not even be fully appreciated until later when hardships befall, and the deep roots have a source of life that was created in that place of "winter". Hehe, like my analogies? Ok, so maybe that isn't the life cycle of a tree at all, but it seems like there are so many things in life that the Lord surrounded us with to help us process. 

It was really interesting, the other night I was alternating between reading the Shack, When the Heart Waits, and my Bible when I kind of got this cool revelation. If you have already thought about this, ooor you think my discovery is weird/wrong I understand but once again its my blog so bear with me. Anyways, so in Genesis 22 God tells Abraham to take his only son Isaac to this land called Moriah, and on one of the Mountains sacrifice his as a burnt offering to God. Now I don't know about you but I always thought about this story as God trying to test the obedience of Abraham, a test which he passes, and God (at the last moment) spares Isaac's life providing a ram as the offering instead. While I was thinking about this, it really hit me that this is really like God showing us (from His perspective) how much he loves us. If you think about the story substitute God for Abraham; you and me, for Isaac; and Jesus for the ram. Think about how Abraham's heart was breaking thinking about the imminent death of his only son. How much more did God's heart break with the knowledge that we were bound for eternal death? Did Isaac fight his father? Asking him what the HECK he was thinking as Abraham made him carry the own wood that he would burn upon? Nope! Isaac trusted his father, that he would not do anything that wasn't in his best interest. How often to I complain to God as I'm carrying my wood up some mountain? How often do I plot and plan some way to get rid of what I carry, thinking that somehow if God loved me I wouldn't have to go through this. Yet was it because Abraham didn't love Isaac that he made him work to walk up the mountain? No, of course not! Imagine the horrid pit filling Abraham's gut as they got closer to the top of the mountain, he adored his son, after all Isaac was the fulfilled promise from God; it wasn't suppose to end this way. I just got this cool visual picture of God relating to us in the same way. 

-Now the story has limits of course, because it wasn't like God is under some other authority, or that God doesn't know the end to the story, but for the sake of my personal revelation try to hang in there with me.

How amazing to think about the provision of God that when "we" are laying on the alter we built with our own hands, with the very wood God had us carry up the mountain, that God provides a substitute. Jesus chose to be like that Ram caught in the briars, placed that He might be used as a burnt offering, the fragrance of His death going up and pleasing the very heart of His Father. I thought that it was a cool picture, albeit a slightly different way to look at that story. 

See my musings can be interesting from time to time...Stay tuned for more from the inner workings of my mind!!

Theory Behind the Midlife Crisis

Once again, I must insist that whatever you read here should be no cause for panic, I am no Emo kid (/e points to google search engine) with suicidal inclinations. Actually, far from it. I am more in a soul searching, midlife crisis sort of time. I know - I know; you can tell me all you want that midlife crisis are for the 40s+ generation (sorry guys), but definately not for me.

The funny thing about "midlife" is that it is the time where all the things that we have surrounded ourselves with that keep up busy seem to fall away. Look at the average person. They finish highschool and either get married right then, or go to college, getting married shortly after graduation. Then come kids, sleep overs, homework, sports, clubs, as well as keeping up with work and your home. I think that we can so often surround ourselves with so much business so that we don't have to answer the question that always looms like a dark cloud on the horizon. Is there anything in life that truely matters? I mean come on now - be honest. How much of what we do avoids the painful sitting in the quiet place asking ourselves how much of our lives are like filler fluff? Can I call it my Ecclesiastes moment?

Growing up I never understood that book, it seemed to go against my optomistic spirit. Now, I think I'm going to take a good look at the wisdom hidden in such sarcastic words. I think in reality we have to come to a place where we understand that there is NOTHING in this life that will somehow give us the fulfillment that we crave. What then is the point to this life? It's about relationship with Jesus. That sounds like the cookie cutter answer, but more and more I think that it's true. Is it wrong to fill our lives with business? No. People were made for company, to interact with others (/e quotes Genesis). However, I guess that it's too easy to lose focus that our primary target is refining our own hearts in the heat of the fire God places in our lives, and some of those fires will revolve around interactions with others (i.e iron sharpens iron), and some of our ability to interact with people will come out of the refined places of our hearts. I don't know if that makes any sense...but once again this is my place to vent so you'll have to bear with me.

Someone once told me that the "here and now" was kind of like school, that it was a training time before true life began. That the short time we have here is a place to grown in the Lord, knowing that the lessons (albeit hard ones) that we go through now are refining us into the true people that the Lord created to fellowship with and live in the New Earth (after the 2nd coming). I must be rambling...Well, I promised I would update, so I think this will have to do for now. I'm hanging in there!! More to come soon!

The Dark Place

So...I'll give you a little disclaimer prior to you delving into this post, that I have been in a bit of a dark time lately, and if you aren't up to it you may want to hold off reading. However, this is my blog, and so you have to put up with me.

That said, I am sitting here on my couch at 2am feeling the tears run down my face, knowing that I'll look like a sun burnt marshmallow tomorrow. You may be wondering what is with all these uncharacteristic emotions, and the honest truth; I wish I knew. I guess that is part of the frustration. I would like to have a solid answer and why, but what do I have? Nothing; darkness, emptiness, whatever adjective you want to describe the swirling hole that has settled in my soul. Its funny you know...actually ironic...I have always seen myself as being unemotional to a fault, and now I cry over everything. Wow, I'm not sure I should be typing this, but its the best way for me to put into words my struggle, and all I can do is pray that the Lord uses my darkness to pull you closer to him.

I guess I should say that this point has been beginning since I went on a weekend trip this Fall, and experienced almost an anxiety attack when I went to sleep each night. I contributed it to switching from nights to days. However, it has persisted to be almost every morning when I would lay down to sleep, and now it seems that my life is enveloped in some internal struggle. I have contemplated whether its work, sleep (or the lack there of), money, spiritual attack, illness, loneliness, stress, etc that is causing this, but I have no answers. You know what is funny? I feel like I am standing on an empty road, a cross breeze blowing my hair across my face as I look backwards down the road. I can see the times in my life when these feelings had not yet taken root; when even in the hard times I wasn't afraid to wake up or go to sleep. Perhaps struggles are only half as painful because we have a prior - a time before them that seems to mock us from the safety of the past. There I stand on that road, not wanting to look ahead because all I can see is a barren wilderness, and yet the emptiness of it all propels me forward out of sheer need. One thing I can say is that this darkness has pulled me back from a place of wandering from the Lord to a tender place on my knees. It has given me a totally new mercy for people that have struggled with this for years, and if I didn't have my family and a God who -even in the midst of it all I know is bigger - then I think I would crumble. There is this song by Tenth Avenue North which rings so true in my heart, and maybe it will for you too.

"How long must I pray, must I pray to You? How long must I wait, must I wait for You?
How long 'til I see Your face, see You shining through?
I'm on my knees, begging You to notice me. I'm on my knees, Father will you turn to me?

One tear in the dropping rain, One voice in the sea of pain
Could the maker of the stars
Hear the sound of my breakin' heart?
One light, that's all I am
Right now I can barely stand
If You're everything You say You are
Won't You come close and hold my heart

I've been so afraid, afraid to close my eyes
So much can slip away before I say goodbye.
But if there's no other way, I'm done asking why.
Cuz I'm on my knees, begging You to turn to me
I'm on my knees, Father will you run to me?

So many questions without answers, Your promises remain
I can't sleep but I'll take my chances to hear You call my name
To hear You call my name."

I have no answers, I wish I did. All I can say is that if you have ever gone through something that you feel like sucks every last piece of life and hope out of you, don't give up; keep pressing on. Books like The Shack and When the Heart Waits have been like silk string holding me up from this hole; fragile and yet in the moment the strongest thing keeping you from free falling. Who knows where this will take me. I have contemplated everything from quiting work to going to therapy, and everything in between. One thing I do know; things can't stay the same. I am going to make a conscious effort to make relationships here, to get active, and to get involved in community, although right now that seems unappealing.

In 1933 Franklin D. Roosevelt stated in his inaugural address; "...let me assert my firm belief that the only thing we have to fear is fear itself—nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance". That statement is so true!! In the midst of fear is actually when pressing head on is the MOST important! I remember one time when I was little being taken on my first Ferris Wheel ride by my dad, and part way up the clutches of panic tore at me as I looked down at the ground growing farther away. Instead of telling me to shut my eyes, I remember my dad having me quote out loud 2 Timothy 1:7. "For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and a strong mind." I have never forgotten that verse. You would think that with all this in mind I could some how just deal - but I suppose that is the twisted way emotions and dark times work. There is no logic sometimes, and there is no quick fix. All I can say is "Jesus come and take my sinful, broken heart and bring me back to you. Don't give me more then I can handle, and help me to remember that there is no dark hole that you can't light up". That said, if anyone actually made it through that whole post please be praying with me that I could rest in God (apart from fear which is not from Him). Thanks for bearing with me through an excruciatingly long post. I have been meaning to type up something about this, and I guess tonight was it. I'm sure I will be posting again soon, thank you for giving me room to air out my thoughts!

Merry Christmas!

It is hard to believe that another year has come and gone!! I had started another post about some of the stuff that I've been going through this Fall, but I think a summary would do. This Fall has been very challenging for me, as with any move it can be hard to get adjusted, and I think that I have been dealing with a good bit of lonelyness. However, I am hoping to be on the upward swing, with some help from my God and my amazing family. I will keep you updated as I try to make a concious effort to get out of the house on my days off and do some fun activities to stay connected with people. I think that God has been doing some work on my heart to, which hasn't been fun, but it has been good, and I know that the outcome will be worth it!! One thing that was helpful during this season, was a book that my mom had been asking me to read since this summer. Sometimes there are just perfect times to read things, and the Shack was definately a book I needed to read now. If you haven't read it I would recommend that you do. I know that you may have heard some conflicting comments about it, and it may not really be in your "religous" comfort zone. However, if you want a book that will stretch you, and open your eyes to a different view of God then you may ever have had then you'll like this book. Hehe, that was my little push for my newest read ;-).

Otherwise, we were able to enjoy some days with my parents prior to Christmas which was soo fun. I am a very fortunate person to have an amazing family that excluding occasional spats really gets along very well. Although Christmas hasn't really seemed like what it was when I was a kid, it definately is still wonderful as long as you're with the people you love. I hope that you all have a blessed holiday season, and a fabulous start to your New Year.

O Christmas Tree

I know that everyone says that you should never put up your Christmas tree before Thanksgiving, however this year we are breaking the rule due to the fact that our family is coming into town for our big family Thanksgiving/Christmas. That said, my sister and I finally got our tree and blasted the Christmas music while setting it up and decorating. It was so much fun! We went with red and gold with white lights, and a nice red/gold bow at the top. I looks awesome, and much to our suprise the cat has not made a true effort at knocking it over - I'm so proud! I will definately have to do an update to all the festivities this weekend, so stay tuned.

Update

Time for another blogging update at an atrocious time of the night for most of you. My last several days off I have done a major cleaning out of my computer hard drive, which has caused me to think that I am just computer savvy enough to be dangerous. On some levels it was a great thing seeing as I had sooo much junk clogging up my computer space, and I was brutal in deleting files and programs. I mean - I had old documents from high school saved, and tons of PowerPoint's from nursing school...I probably could have taught four years of school just from my saved files (its scary in there!). Thus, I deleted, and deleted in the hope to open up a lot more space on my C: drive. Mm, ok the honest truth...I am a total computer nerd!! I was prompted to do this whole Fall cleaning due to the fact that I was wanting to download a new program on to my computer. The sad fact is that even after deleting tons of crap...I still am short like 2GB of space, which has me thinking that the program is entirely to large, and I should just forgo the whole adventure. We'll see who knows, perhaps I'll get bored and decide to upgrade my computer by hand, muahaha (as my computer attempts to hide). Yeah for being bored at 3am!!! Stay tuned for further updates, I'll try to remember to keep you posted on the computer. ;-)

Leaves

Today was one of those chilly, dreary, sprinkly kind of days. It was so appealing to have some fresh air, so I went outside to rake the backyard. I think that there must have been half a foot of leaves on the ground, because I now have three giant piles in my yard - I'm not quite sure what I'm going to do with them, I guess I need to see if the city picks them up...Oh, the joys!

This week I've been trying to decide if I want to start graduate school this coming semester, due to the fact that work will pay for it. However, I'm not yet sure what I want to do - and to be honest the thought of starting school again is slightly repulsive, so I guess we'll wait and see. It is a very nice benefit to have a degree like that on my resume, but.....yeah..........

Fall Time

I think that there are special people in this world destined to create titles to books, movies, and blogs...I am not one of those people - not even close...

I highly doubt anyone reads this anymore, due to my haphazard blog posts; however in some respects that is rather liberating. It is like being able to have a journal, a place where I can put words to the crazy thoughts rolling around in my brain; a journal where occationally someone as crazy as myself braves the webesphere (like my new word?) for a glimps into my internal mullings. Scary thought indeed.

The last several weeks have consisted of work, sleep, cleaning my house, and wandering cyberspace. Scratch that - I did actually go to the park last week to swing on the swingset for about half-an-hour. We have had some beautiful days this fall, and Velvet and I do enjoy some walks in the sun.

One nice evening I shared with my sister this week had me dragging her out to Lowe's (which by the way is one of my favorite stores - it smells good and there are no rudd people with carts) in order to find a Christmas tree and decorations so we can decorate after thanksgiving. We had lots of fun picking out how we wanted our tree to look, and I can't wait till we get to set it up, and see the vision take form. My poor sister...being an available listening ear may have not been on her agenda, but being the good sport that she is she graciously listened as I bemoaned my ticking biologic clock - ode to PMS. ;-) All in all we had some good sisterly bonding time, one of the benefits of finally living close.

Music City

Well, I'm finally getting settled in after my first week at work, which was mainly a lot of sitting and listening to policies. I must admit though the whole system is amazing. There are somewhere around 22,000 people who work and attend the medical center and university. Over 1 million people flowed through this micro-world last year. The amount of research, and learning that occurs here is amazing! Its kind of like going back to school in some ways, the medical center is surrounded by university, so you have medical staff, students, residents, teachers, patients, visitors, etc all meshing together. It is like a little city within a city! Hehe, and the nice part is that as staff we can have access to all the university stuff as well as the medical stuff. Woot! Hey I'm already part of my first research study, studying whether a pertussis vaccine eliminates your need for antibiotics after exposure.

Otherwise, the house looks soo cute. We're pretty settled, although there are still boxes laying around. The cat and dog are content enjoying their rule and reign. The weather has been amazingly nice too, although I get eaten by mosquitos outside, which puts a damper on my reclining on the porch. Oh well!!

Let me know if you need my new address. My phone and email have stayed the same ;-) Thank you all for your prayers, thoughts, and help throughout this process! Who knows where I'll head next, but I think I'm ready for a perminant place for a little.

Home Sweet Home

Well, we are finally moved in! I thought that day would never come, and my poor mother - I think I drove her crazy by constantly calling asking her to remind me that I was still somewhat sane. However, all that being said and done I am soo glad that my sister and I are settled here, and that we love it! Now I hope you know me well enough to know that the move was not without some very funny quotes on my end, and some crazy adventures.

Our first adventure occurred on the second day in the new house. My sister's boyfriend and his brother had come to help us move in, and they were awesome. Unfortunately, the keys to the boy's car were lost in the Bermuda triangle for keys; never to be found. This was bad on several fronts. First, the boys couldn't get home without a car...definitely need keys for that. Second, the car was parked behind the moving truck in the driveway...note to self - its really hard to get a giant moving truck out of a driveway when there is something parked behind. I suggested backing the truck over the car, but that was vetoed. Not getting the moving truck out that day was not an option though because the rental truck had to be turned in that evening.

Finally after most of the day attempting to get keys we realized that the moving truck had to get out - therefore we placed the car in neutral and pushed it out of the driveway long enough for me to pull the truck out (push the car back into the driveway) and return it. Prior to this I will tell you that we spent about 8 hours looking for the key and attempting to get a new key. We searched everywhere inside and out of the house...no luck. We drove to multiple car dealers with the hope of getting a new key - actually we did end up getting a new key from one dealer. To bad it was a key to the door not the ignition (we had already had AAA come out to open the door)...We even contemplated a six hour round trip drive to pick up a new set from the boy's house. In the end we hot wired the car (is that illegal??)(I might add after another couple trips to Lowe's (I love that store) for wires, a soldering kit, etc) and prayed that the wiring would hold all the way home.

To conclude: The truck was returned safely, the car was started, the boys got home safely, and we all slept REALLY well that night.

Let me just say that moving always holds surprises (at least for me), and there are always unexpected twists. I can't wait though to have some more stories for you soon!!

More scar art!

As I sit here typing I am sitting in the most awkward position ever trying to reach my computer stretch one leg out and not run into the wall. You would probably laugh at the sight! The question you might ask is how or why am I in this most uncomfortable position? Well, I have been adding to my collection of body scar art...ok, ok, so its not technically scar art, but I have to call all my mole/possible cancer removal spots something. As of yesterday I have a matching scar on the back of my left leg to the one on my right. And it hurts....yeah think of all you do with your legs, now think of doing it with stitches. Oh well, I'm just hoping that I can survive 12 hours of work with minimal pain. Note to self - take the elevator!

Nashville or Bust!

Today has been a good day! I could use some sleep seeing as I only got about 4 hours, but my lack of sleep was for a good cause. The Nashville hospital called today and offered me the position I had interviewed for, Wooopeee! Now the fun begins...where are those moving boxes?? Wish me luck as my sister and I begin the serious search for a house, and work on moving. I will try to take some fun pictures of the process.

Needless to say this summer is going to fly by. I will be done working in 3 weeks, trying to move in 5 weeks, going to my aunts for a visit, then heading to see the parents for a couple weeks so that I can relax, have some fun, reenact, and go to my friends wedding all before August 11th. Whew...."these feet are made for walking, and thats just what they do...." I think I wish my feet were made of lead ;-). More later!!

Summer has Begun

Hmm, so let me start off by saying that I have been horrid at keeping up with my blog. However, life is crazy as usually, so don't be too hard on me!

Summer is in full swing here, pollen and all; which fortunately for me is a non-event. Summer also marks the start of trauma season for the hospital as people are outside doing crazy things. Have I said lately how much I love my job? I guess that is a good thing, not many people can say! Granted there are days where I'd rather be anywhere but working, and the politics of work (ie. the hospital hierarchy) stink, but despite all of that I LOVE what I do.

Speaking of work, the newest info on the horizon is the possibility that I will be moving to the home city of all things music ;-). Yup that's right, Nashville, TN! Now nothing is set in stone, but the ball is rolling towards me working at a large children's hospital there in the same position that I have now. Its a wonderful opportunity as the acuity of there patients is much higher, and their unit is much bigger. I will keep you updated as plans progress.

As for the most recent adventures I spent Memorial Day grouting my friend from work's kitchen. Now before this little project began I was very naive as to the labor require in grouting. However, my body assures me that it is the most painful thing I have ever EVER done. Haha, granted we had fun doing it....but I think that every muscle in my body hurts and there are blisters on my hands like you wouldn't believe. Hmm, maybe its a good work out. If nothing else the kitchen looks amazing now - renovations are definitely rewarding. Note to self: think VERY carefully before taking on a renovation project. It also has me thinking that I can understand why early houses were small and lacked...complications.

Vampire Anyone?

I know that I don't really do the whole Halloween thing...however, were I to I think that I would have to be a little furry vampire bat. Hehe, because that is how I feel with my night schedule. The only thing different is that I don't hang upside down to sleep. Oh - and I don't drink blood of any sort, lol.

On another note, I am rather short on sleep. I got called into work half a shift on Satuday, then worked Sunday and Monday nights, then an hour after I got off work Tuesday morning I had to go to PALS (Pediatric Advanced Life Support) class till 5pm, and then class again all day Wednesday. Needless to say I was up for about 27 hours straight before I got any sleep. However - I passed my PALS class - YEAH!! On about 5 hours of sleep, so kudos to me. PALS was fun though, its where we practice assessing and treating life threatening situations (i.e. cardiac arrest, shock, etc). Anyway, its good to have done and the certification lasts 2 years.

Weeee, well I am off to get some much needed rest, but I'll try to write a little more soon ;-)

Life Upside Down

Hmmm, I don't think that my body knows what side is up; I'm hungry at all the wrong times, but otherwise I am finding that staying up all night and sleeping through the morning and early afternoon is quite easy actually. I suppose the hardest part is feeling disconnected from people seeing as I can't really call anyone during the night, and most people are not game for a social event at 3 in the morning. However, I LOVE working nights. It is busy and crazy at times, but the amount of people (ie doctors, family, misc hospital staff) is limited so my patient care is so much more focused. It is fabulous! The girls I work with are outstanding, fun, and over all we have a great time. How funny to think that this was not the most appealing job offer I got, nor is it the greatest hospital ever, but I don't think I could love my job more; and that speaks to me louder than any pay check that I am in the right spot for now. Who knows where we'll go or what we'll do, but imagine the great big world out there!!!! God created so much, and we're in control of so little - why not get out there and see what inspires you ;-) you might be suprised. Take my advise - if its your time to die there is no way to stop it, so be wise, but seize the moment, do something spontaniously, push the edge and see where it takes you! At 5:30 am I am not sure that whatever I just wrote makes any sense haha, but cheers anyway! I'm off to watch a movie and read a book before some sleep ;-). Happy commenting.

Fall At Last!

Yes, Fall is here! I love Fall - I love the temperature, the activities, the smells, and the holidays!! Today it really started feeling cool, as the temperature dropped to around 55 degrees. This finally means that I can open my windows and enjoy being cold for once. The cold weather also means...APPLE PICKING! Mmmm, who doesn't love to go apple picking on a cool Fall day, come home and make apple pie or homemade apple-sauce? I will post some pictures when we go ;-). We are also planning a fun hayride because they are just fun! That said - you, my faithful commentors will have to post tales of your favorite fall adventures!

As for work, I am switching to my full time schedule on Sunday where I will be working night shift (7-7) for at least the next year. Therefore, I will have too rules: 1) If you can't sleep you can always call. 2) If you call me before 2pm...I will kill you. We will see how it goes, I may be a bit tired for the first couple months.

I appologize that this post is not exactly poetic, or in anyway entertaining....however, it is a post! At some later day I will attempt to appeal to your creative sides ;-)

Creme Brulee Day

Have you ever had one of those days, a day where you get inspired to do something fabulous, something creative, something fun? A day where you want to make Creme Brulee? Ahh yes, today was one of those days. Now I know that not everyone may enjoy a well made Brulee, so feel free to insert above whatever creative creation you like; my point still stands. In every persons life there are days where you dream of that exquisite backdrop of a timeless classic that greets you on the doorstep of imagination and beckons you to into another world, time, and place. These are Creme Brulee days. The essence of Creme Brulee is within its innate simplicity. The elegance, the draw, the universal appeal is not credited to dazzling presentation or creative genius. Instead subtle class and simple flavors have given this desert longevity throughout the culinary world. How the same life works at times (I love when I can combine deserts and life lessons for an amazing illustration). Granted, there are things in today's world that I would miss were they to be removed. However, I think that in every heart there is a little need for the simple things in life. We may not be able to completely shed the complexity we live in, but I would encourage you to take a Creme Brulee day every now and again. Stop, enjoy where you are in life, enjoy a sunny day, the smells on the breeze, a sunset, the fog hanging on the mountain tops, the tousled hair of your kids as they sleep, or even just look back over the years. No man knows fully the hour in which he lives, and how sad it is to not enjoy every moment.

Welcome home to Tennessee!

Well my loyal commentors and readers alike, I am officially moved into my new apartment; which I might add is so cute! Mmm, actually its only half as cute as is will be when I have furniture ;-). Right now I write this to you seated on a giant plastic tub of clothes which I'm surprised hasn't broken yet due to me sitting on it for extended periods of time. Otherwise the place is still bare, however this weekend when SFL and WOT come I shall finally have furnishings! Yea!! This past weekend my old roomie paid me a fabulous visit, and we got to see some great sights around town. We also found our official restaurant, which we happened upon by sheer chance. You see, the night she arrived we were both hungry but didn't really know what places were around to eat in; when low and behold we saw this hilarious lighted sign on the right which said "Cootie Browns! Real Food!". The place looked packed, and well, we both looked at each other and knew that Cootie's was calling our name. I would never have dared to try the place by myself, but as I'm sure you've noticed two people are braver than one. Let me just tell you! The food was amazing, the atmosphere so perfect!! You can eat inside or out on tables each individually painted, surrounded by walls decorated with hand panted murals of what I can only suppose is the famous Cootie Brown. We had the best time, and declared Cooties as our official place to eat. I knew you would have to hear the story ;-) because I'm sure you can picture us sitting there laughing our heads off for two hours, while a mix of college students, families, and couples in their fifties sat surrounding our lively party, each one enjoying the night just as much as us.


Unfortunately the weekend always comes to an end, and today was my very first day of work! I was again asked if I was old enough to have graduated college and taken my licence exam...I think that its good I'll be working with kids, at least I know that they'll look younger than me. Hehe, alright, that said I am off to bed. Tomorrow is another early morning with a full day of sitting in chairs listening to speakers on patient care and employee benefits....joy ;-). More later!!

Weekend weddings, and M-Day!

It is hard to believe that we are at this point already, but nevertheless the relative end of summer has arrived! For those of you who might not know, I have passed my Nursing (NCLEX) Boards, and now have my official nursing license - How exciting! I am also leaving tomorrow to attend one of my oldest friends' wedding. I am definately not sure that there is enough space in Michigan to hold SFL, WOT, and our friends family who is definatly as weird as us! lol! From the wedding I am driving down to my new apartment, where I will have a week to settle in before my first week of work orientation. In the midst of that I have a great friend from school coming up for the weekend, and my parents will be coming down a week later. Whew, I swear my life is crazy! It is exciting though to think that I will finally get to have my own place, and not have to move in 4 months. I know that life in the real world can slip into a boring rut at times, however, I am excited to have an apartment to come home to, and I know that work will definately keep me busy for quite awhile.

Well, I know that it was not the most interesting of posts, but I will try to come up with something more creative for the next time. Until then!