Sooo here is the new cat that has decided to visit our back porch at night for the past two weeks. He/she/it (I can't tell its too fluffy) is very nice and comes to let me pet it. I finally got a picture tonight, and determined that boy or girl the cat's name will be Rambo. Hehe, because its an out door cat of course (kitty with an A-K47).

We'll see what happens, I'm a sucker for poor homeless creatures. I did manage to get some flea stuff on it, just in case I bring it in and it has fleas, even if I never see it perhaps I have rid the world of one more flea....just saying you should all be grateful. ;-)

Because I feel bad for the cat I've been setting out some food for it (which I know only attracts other animals too, but I don't care). Well, last night I was sitting on the couch and I saw the movement triggered back light come on. There was a Lab eating the cat food, so I opened the back door. Does the dog run? Yes, but not without first grabbing the bowl in its mouth. I come running out the door after it yelling "give me my bowl back!". Yeaaaah, so I'm sure my neighbors think I'm weird...The dog did drop the bowl, but continued running - I haven't seen it since. Haha, WOT thinks that there are signs up around the neighborhood advertising free food. Which reminds me, this totally leads up to a GREAT bathrobe story!!! A side note, do you like the fact that it seems like most of the bathrobe stories include animals? Hmm, interesting...

Soul Time

I think everyone needs "soul time". You may think of it as "quiet time", but you know what I have come to believe that sometimes a "quiet time" is not what you need. Soul time seems to fit better. It can be singing, playing music, drawing, painting, reading the Word, or laying on the floor with your eyes shut as the dog snores beside you. What matters most is quieting the swirling chaos around us so that you can listen. I don't know about you but sometimes I think that I listen best when I'm standing in front of the keyboard playing the same three chords and putting my feelings into words. Somehow I hear Jesus. Your soul time is I'm sure completely different then mine, and that is awesome!! I think I use to get so bogged down in thinking that my time with the Lord had to be separated from my life. In college I had this revelation about how a relationship with God isn't a parallel line to our physical lives, where the two sometimes crossed paths (ie church). Instead a relationship with God is really like a new birth - its the beginning of a new life, a life where God is in every part and thought. You can go to the gym, the store, and clean your bathroom all the while dwelling with God. I don't know it was just such a neat thing to me at the time, and I think that coming back to that point is a great reminder, because it's so easy to forget.

Today I went to the Neuromuscular clinic, and it was FABULOUS! She was able to target my back pain, work with massage to correct it, and give me tips to work on until I see her again. I am a little sore tonight, but my range of motion has already improved!! I am going to brag on Jesus a little. So, I called last night and left a message at the place about scheduling an appointment sometime, and in my head I was thinking that it would be great if I could get in the next day at about three in the afternoon, so I'd have time to sleep. Haha, so the therapist calls me this morning and says that she had a cancellation today for 3pm. Isn't God good?!! I just laughed so hard about how it was the exact time I had thought about. He has such a sense of humor! I had to call up WOT then and tell her how tickled I was that God put that all together - be encouraged, and give God a chance to change the little things in our lives.

The rest of my day I filled with grocery shopping, cleaning the house, walking the dog, making some yummy sweet and sour chicken, and watching a BBC film (which I might add had the girl from Narnia -Susan - when she was 8 or so). I was thinking about how this time last year I was getting ready to move here! How fast the time has gone!! Who knows where I'll be next year, it is hard to believe that life can change so quickly. Most posting later!!! Leave me lots of comments to comment back to!!

The Book List

My list keeps growing! Actually its my fault it seems that I'm addicted to the library, which means I need to get to the books, haha! The one kid at the library actually recognizes me now, which is also slightly sad. I must say though that I've found some good books - which I will continue to post on my little list. /e settles on the couch with some coffee surrounded by my stack of books.

Work is busy...I'm not at work though, so its all good.

My back, still hurts. I'm headed to the Neuromuscular clinic this week for some therapeutic massage time to see if that helps. I'll keep everyone updated!!

Sore!

My poor neck! I honestly don't know what I did to it except for wake up one morning with a very painful neck and back. I was thinking that it was mainly muscles so I thought I'd give it some time to feel better, instead of going to the chiropractor straight away. Well, it didn't get better, and I was so sore it hurt to turn my head, sleep, etc. As if I really needed something else. Anyways, I broke down and went to the chiro today, which was great he got my back alined, and worked on loosening my muscles. It was great but I am even MORE sore now because after an adjustment there is always swelling and stiffness. Gah - I'm in pain tonight. Along with feeling a bit emotional (pms?), and down I am trying to play some scrabble with my friend online to distract myself so I don't sit here with the kleenex. I guess having a week or two of better days makes a bad day or two live-through-able hehe. *Sigh*. If I get too bored tonight I'll post more fun snipets!

Burping Lobsters?

Today I don't particularly feel like laughing, however (chin up!) I am pushing forward. Therefore, I have another hopefully entertaining story for you. They say laughter is good for the soul, so just see me as your soul lifter!

*Note: this is a true story...

Not that long ago, in a Red Lobster not that far away worked a very gullible, but very nice hostess. Unfortunately for her, and those of us like her who constantly seem to find themselves on the wrong end of the road there is little to say but, "you have to learn to laugh at yourself". I think half the humor in this little excerpt is the fact that I can see myself falling for this...

One day this young hostess had finished her daily duties of ushering guests to their seats, handing out menus, preparing silverware wraps, and the several other tasks laid out in her manual. Only an hour or so stood between her and the door, so she found herself seeking out the manager to inquire after anymore work that might need to be completed. She found the manager leaning against a door frame talking to a talk lanky line cook that she had only met once or twice, but who seemed nice enough. Posing her question, the manager started to respond when the cook interjected. "You already burped all the lobsters?".

Both manager and hostess looked at the cook with wide eyes, "burped the lobsters? What do you mean?" She retorted. "I didn't see that in the manual".

"Well, it may not be in the manual, but it's still part of your job". Came the reply, the cook sticking by his guns.

The hostess looked confused, but ventured, "Oh, I didn't realize. I'm not sure I know how".

"Don't worry, I'll show you". With the cook leading the way both hostess and manager trailed after him towards the large water tank by the restaurant door, filled with 30-40 live lobsters, brightly colored rubber-bands around each claw.

The cook grabbed a towel and laid it across his shoulder (by this point several other employees had come to watch the proceedings). "Now you take a lobster like this", laying a lobster over his shoulder on the towel, just as if you would an infant. "And just pat it like so." He rhythmically thumped the lobster's back the poor creature not seeming to mind. The hostess still wasn't convinced, and looked skeptically over at the manager who stood two steps back. Another good pat and miraculously bubbles started to form at the lobster's mouth (it could not have been better timing). Eyes widening the hostess exclaimed, "ohhhh now I think I get it!" The cook nodded in agreement, and then placed the lobster on her shoulder, "Now you try it". The unassuming girl continued patting the lobster, while the cook stated that now she must continue to burp all the lobsters in the tank. The hostess agreed and continued her attention to the animal on her shoulder when the manager and the other observing employees could no longer contain themselves. Several crumpled to the floor in laughter, others had tears running down their faces as they roared with helpless glee over "lobster burping". It wasn't long, with all the laughter that the hostess realized that she had been had. Plopping the lobster back in the tank she stormed out of the restaurant the sounds of laughter still following her. She eventually forgave the cook, and came to look back on the event with a chuckle...

For those of us who are the gullible creatures of the earth, remember that even when you end up being the butt of someones joke, you are bringing laughter to many!!!

Twenty-five Things

There is this Facebook (yes I know) trend right now that involves coming up with 25 random things about yourself, then sharing that with your friends in the hope that they will do the same. Now, as much as I enjoy Facebook I thought that the List might be more fun to do here where in 5 years I can look back at it. Here goes - enjoy, and try out your own list!

1. I have only ever had one ear infection; I was 16.
2. I've always been afraid to die by fire and water.
3. I get sick on roller-coasters.
4. I love pretty much every fruit or vegetable I've ever met ;-)
5. I've kept some sort of journal since before I was in high school.
6. I'm missing part of my ring finger.
7. I hate emptying the dishwasher.
8. I love Sunrises
9. I hate watching Golf on TV
10. I love going to baseball games
11. I like my coffee black, but sometimes I enjoy something sweet too ;-)
12. I LOVE snow, watching snow, shoveling snow, etc
13. I've never been stung by a bee
14. Too often I'm a people pleaser - I'm working on that
15. I'm not really a "baby" kinda person, I enjoy kiddos when they're around 3-6
16. I'm dyslexic
17. I hate spiders
18. I've been to Europe, South America, and Canada
19. I want to visit Africa
20. I've never wanted to live on an island because if there I've always imagined it sinking under the sea...(which is stupid - God numbers our days anyways).
21. My mom is my best friend, and knows me better then anyone else
22. There isn't one person I know that I can't say at least one good thing about
23. I told God that I didn't want to get married until I could say that I didn't need anyone else but Jesus to sustain me, hehe it hasn't happened yet...on either counts.
24. War of the Worlds was a movie that disturbed me for days after I saw it
25. I love to snuggle

That was fun! I know its a REALLY random noninclusive list, but who knows that gives me room to do another one later!

Patron Saint of Carpentry

Take a look at the current housing market and it doesn't take much to understand how poor Saint Joseph the Catholic Patron Saint of Carpentry, Housing, and Real Estate is getting quite the work out. To understand this story one must understand that WOT has been attending a Catholic women's Bible study for at least three years or so, with some of the sweetest God seeking women I've met. Thus, when these ladies heard that WOT's house was going to be put on the market they quickly suggested (with quiet chuckles) that the Protestant among them attempt the tradition of burying Saint Joseph upside down in their back yard for a quick sale. Now, I must admit that as much as I LOVE these ladies, and I have several wonderful Catholic friends; I totally cracked up when WOT told me this. First off, there is about three feet of snow in my parents yard, so to bury Saint Joseph would require not only snow removal, but some pick-ax action to break through the frozen earth. This job - were it to be attempted would be delegated to my poor father who upon the suggestion said "forget it". Now WOT did testify to her ladies that we have sold houses in 1 day before with a little prayer and faith, so attempting the Saint Joseph route might be over kill. That said, my wonderful mother - God bless her - was given children with very active imaginations, and with the description of this tradition I suggested to her that perhaps we could just bury St Joseph in the giant snow drift by the drive way...I mean come on now, no one will have to see it, and it's a lot less difficult to dig in. This then led to the envisioning of poor St Joseph on a sunny day having his snowy grave melted away would, and thus rolling into the street where he might be decapitated by a passing car. At this point I couldn't help but chuckle at the thought of trying to super glue his head back on so when we gave him back to the Catholic Ladies they wouldn't know that St Joseph had been in a hit and run. Figuring that this train of thought was bordering on sacrilegious, and that perhaps burying Joseph in the snow was not the best option after all I jokingly suggested that we just pray to the Patron Saint Jesus the Master Carpenter. The other end of the phone was quiet for a second before WOT exclaimed, "you know what, I don't know that the ladies have ever thought about Jesus as the master carpenter". We laughed as I teased about us Protestants praying to the Patron St Jesus. How true it is though, that while God could have made it so we have to go to the Saints before "getting through", He instead gave us "Saint" Jesus who lives and dwells within us. He knows our every need, and how well He provides for us!! That said, I in no way am poking fun at the Catholic ladies' suggestion (I have the utmost respect for the Saints of old), but just out of a different perspective received a little revelation into the wonderful nature of this God we all serve both Catholic and Protestant alike. I do know that my father is ever so grateful to not be sent out into the backyard with the pick-ax!!

Bathrobe Stories (2 of many) - Frolic

The door to the garage slammed shut behind the two tousle headed children from my previous story, with the exception that this time their hair was slightly better bushed, and they had managed to find pairs of hand-me-down jeans and multi-colored t-shirts before rushing out for morning chores. Mom was sure to dole out punishment if the horses and cows weren't fed before school, and that meant there was plenty of work to be done before eight. The late spring sun was out in force, and a gentle breeze blew down the valley carrying with it the warm smell of plowed dirt and cows. The farmer across the road had only yesterday moved twenty or so head of cows into our pastures to graze in return for some hay from his fields come fall harvest. Some of his Alfalfa fields were directly across the road the plants almost a foot tall, and so dense it appeared to be a never ending bed of soft green.

Excited by the visitors the girls needed no convincing this morning to vacate their beds. The horses were watered, given their grain, and turned out into the back field to roll in the soft dirt. Not wanting to be forgotten several of the barn cats raised their voices and wove among the girl's legs until the food bowl was replenished and backs had been scratched. Not lingering in the main barn the two ran across the yard to the South pasture where Mr. Neal's cows were enjoying the first warming rays of the day. Several of the large reddish Herefords moved to the gate where the girls were arms reaching through the wide horizontal slates in the red swinging metal gate. Their small hands had grabbed clumps of grass on the way over, and now were held palms up as warm wet noses blew puffs of air on their skin, scattering the grass offerings to the ground, and making the girls giggle in turn. The ruff skin on the cows' noses was nothing compared to the sandpaper texture of their tongues as the girls let the long giraffe like tongues twist around their hands searching for some small treat. What could have been an all day affair between bovines and girls ended with a call from the house reminding them that there was work of the paper kind calling. Thus the cows were left for a later time, and two sets of feet raced back into the garage and into the house where mom was waiting.

Settling her energetic pair into language arts mom was finally able to turn her thoughts towards a shower and clothes when the drama of the day began. It all started when from the perfect perspective looking out of the front upstairs window both girls saw several cows meander into view in the front lawn. A quick call for mom had the house in an uproar! The cows had somehow escaped the pasture! The girls; school forgotten took the stairs by twos, and reached the front door as mom was dialing Mr. Neal's number. In her blue bathrobe and bare feet mom stood on the front porch to tell the farmer that he'd best come from his farm over the crest of the hill to help round up the five or six loose animals now trespassing through her gardens. To assist my reader in understanding the necessity of a hasty collection and return of the unfortunate cows to their enclosure, one must understand that half a mile down the road the ran in front of the house was a larger and much busier road. It was with this fact in mind that mom abandoned the idea of changing into something more appropriate, and instead sought out her rubber work boots; pulled on under the famous bathrobe, and joined the girls in herding the cattle. Before long Mr. Neal had joined in the efforts and all but one lonely cow were happily back behind the fence. This singular cow had decided that it would rather see the world then be relegated back behind the fence, and therefore it had set off down the road in the direction of the busy main highway. Mom, animal lover that she is was picturing a hamburger in the making if the poor creature was not diverted from its path. With the help of Mr. Neal and both girls mom started to chase the cow down the road yelling "we have to get it to stop before it gets hit!". It did not take long to chase the cow off the road and into the adjacent alfalfa field where due to the high grass the going became much more difficult. Mom with her bathrobe hiked up to allow her to run through the grass, and us all following behind had managed to get the cow at least headed away from the main road and towards Mr. Neal's barn over the hill. Mind on the safety of the cow, poor mom was in no way prepared for the deer that suddenly leaped from its nest in the alfalfa, and darted away across the field. The height of the grass had completely concealed the deer, but our noisy approach had scared it into flight. Mom taken so completely off guard screamed and almost fell over. So unbelievable was the event, and so hilarious was mom in her bathrobe screaming that Mr. Neal did fall over...laughing. The two girls could hardly breath, as they all momentarily forgot about the cow.

Fortunately, the cow was safely returned to greener pastures, and while it took mom a long time too she also recovered. Thus, the bathrobe participated in another momentous occasion, one that lives down in infamy.

Bathrobe Stories (1 of many) - The Bunny

As most mothers have found out life does not always wait for the most convenient of times, and there will be moments where you are pressed into dealing with a situation unprepared. Thus, I have put together a short collection of stories honoring the oftentimes hilarious moments of unpreparedness.


*******
It must have been a Saturday. As observed through the kitchen windows it was also one of those beautiful sunny starts to the weekend. The sun was shining, the horses were out grazing in the pasture behind the house, and several of the barn cats were starting their sunbathing early in the driveway next to the barn. In family tradition Saturday mornings entailed Dad, cup of coffee in hand, standing over the stove making pancakes. Swinging the spatula by the handle like a plastic pendulum he would wait until some undisclosed moment when the perfectly round pancake was ready, and with practiced ease would flip the pancake golden brown side up. It was really almost an art.

Not more then ten feet away two bright eyed girls under the age of eight sat at the round kitchen table, legs drawn up and crossed in their chairs. Reused plastic Pizza Hut kid cups sat before them half filled with Orange juice. Plates and silverware had already been set, and a glass Aunt Jemima syrup bottle Dad insisted on refilling and reusing sat ready for eager hands to pour. Their tousled bedheads bobbed as they carried on a lively and diverse chatter with Dad; which usually led to plenty of laughs.

Mom would come down the stairs garbed in her thick royal blue cotton bathrobe, and Dad would make some comment about "it" being "alive", which usually led to the rolling of the eyes and some exclamatory noise from Dad as he gave voice to Mom's displayed consternation. Giggles would break out from the direction of the kitchen table, as all enjoyed the jesting.

This Saturday as described was much like any other Saturday, and before long the entire family sat around the table with syrupy lips and satisfied tummies. The weekend tranquility was soon interrupted however by a very loud, very distressed scream. Chairs were shoved back, and faces pressed up against the kitchen window in the hopes of seeing what was causing such a ruckus. Unfortunately the screaming had a source. One of the barn cats could be seen trotting very proudly down the driveway towards the barn with a baby rabbit in its mouth. The rabbit who sounded more like a human infant was letting the whole world know that it did not want to be breakfast for some hungry cat. Fortunately for the rabbit Mother inherited a tender heart for all living things from her mother, and before we all knew it she had raced to the front door flung it open and took off barefooted, bathrobe flapping towards the barn yelling at the top of her lungs, "you let that bunny go!!". Almost in awe the rest of the family stood frozen at the windows watching her bath-robed form close in on the cat, and then disappear into the barn. What we did not see was Mom following the cat into the hay mow, and diving headfirst into a pile of hay to retrieve the poor bunny from the jaws of certain death. Instead we soon saw Mom emerge from the barn, with an old birdcage in hand which was now home to one very alive rabbit. Hair rumpled and still retaining some stray pieces of hay, and bathrobe disheveled she nevertheless marched proudly from the barn carrying her prize. We being the kind and affectionate family that we were, congratulated her on her success only after first having a very hardy laugh, and describing again in detail the appearance of Mom running across the yard. While Mom may have suffered some in humiliation for the bunny rescue, she most certainly was a hero to the rabbit whom we helped to recover before turning it lose in an alfalfa field down the road.

Thus concludes the first bathrobe story, and you will have to stay tuned for the second. *Please note that I can not claim this story as truth, ;-) but you will just have to draw your own conclusions.

Happy birthday WOT!

January 20th may very well be inauguration day, but here in this family its WOT day...More appropriately WOT's birthday, and although I can't be there to celebrate I'm sure SFL will think of something nice (secretly I'm glad I'm not home */e shudders). How wonderful it is to be able to celebrate the life of people who have not only influenced who we are, but who also fill our lives with love and joy? We do so much for kids on their birthdays, that we really forget that as you get older every birthday really gets more precious. Its a celebration of the struggles, successes, the things we've over come, the work God has done in us, and the very person He is creating! What a better thing to have some cake and ice cream over then a life of beautiful transformation? That said - Happy Birthday Mom!!!

On the topic of inauguration day...I'm sure everyone has an opinion especially today, and I don't really want to get into a debate over it (I'm sure I will say nothing new here). Yes, we can say what we think, act on those thoughts, and even pray for a specific out come, but the ONLY reason any person is placed in a position of power and authority is because the LORD put them there. In my faulty human reasoning I can look at almost any human on earth and find a reason why they would make a horrid leader. However, my view is so limited, and I so often look out of bias. After all, look how the Israelites begged God for a king thinking it would solve all their problems, and God even basically said that you would regret it, but still the people wanted something tangible. Who did they get?? Saul, a wicked king who had a mental breakdown and eventually tried to hunt down David (a man after God's heart). If God knew a king wasn't a good idea why didn't He at least make it so that evil men like Saul were not put in power?? Look at the big picture though - if Saul had never been king then David would never have had the lessons that he did, David would not have met Saul's son (his best friend), and the list goes on. Not only does God work ALL things out for the good of those who serve Him, but He alone puts kings and rulers in their places. Try to remember that today. It isn't just a nice thought to maybe throw in a prayer for our leaders, or maybe only say a couple bad things about them. God said to pray for them (not if you like them). What horrid influences to younger believers are we if we stand and mock the institution the Lord has put in place and allows to stay there? What does that show our kids, when our actions say that we don't trust God to have a good plan? Hmm, it can be so hard to follow that, and I have definitely fallen off the wagon on more then one occasion, but God was good to give me that reminder today. Good or bad leaders they are all under the rule and authority of God who is the ultimate king, and whose rule over my life is truly the only one that matters. I'm going to step off my soap box now, haha I was on it a little to long...

Winter Snap

The past several days have been bitterly cold here, as they have for most of the Eastern US at least. However, I have still managed to get out and do laundry and get groceries as I attempt to drag my way along. I even bundled up from head to toe and went for a walk in the 7 degree morning air. Its funny, with all the suggestions and tips I've received you would think that there would be one that was an instant fix to this now labeled "seasonal depression". One of my sweet friends this morning in an attempt to be encouraging said "Don't worry seasonal depression usually lasts a least 6-12 weeks, so you been at this what about 4, don't be to hard on yourself if you feel blue another 8 weeks or so". Eight WEEKS more I wanted to scream! And that isn't a guarantee just a guess assuming it is seasonal depression. Haha, oh the irony... Fortunately it has been a bit better, just enough so that I feel like I'm riding the fence precariously balanced between feeling 100% back to normal and face planting in some giant pile of muck. I haven't decided yet if all this business that I've thrown myself into is like spraying perfume over a full garbage can, or if it is the path out into the light. I look at my schedule each day hoping that I have something to do to keep my mind off of things. I drag myself to be awake during the day on my days off, so I can be active, and I've even picked up some colored pencils and watercolors to explore the artist inside, hehe. I guess all you can do is keep trekking. We all have our own unique struggles, please don't think I am discounting yours or obsessing that mine is the only one around. Believe me, there are people who are going through things I am only too glad to fore go. This is just more like my little place to dump all the marbles rolling inside my head so its not quite so noisy in there! Thanks for listening ;-)

Update time!

There is good news! All my blood work came back normal, which in retrospect is on the whole a good thing, it would have been sort of nice to have a measurable reason for all this. Thus, it is all in my head...literally. On the positive side, I am doing very well "socializing". I went to church on Sunday even when I wanted to stay home and not take a shower ;-). Today I got up after a little sleep (since I worked last night), and went to the library which I was so excited to get 4 books or so that look awesome, 3 movies to spice up my late nights, and then of course the ultimate stop - dunkin donuts for some caloric endorphins. Tonight we're going to the Nashville House of Prayer for some music, and sisterly bonding. See, I am putting forth a good effort to pull myself back together, that and some help from upstairs! I will have to let you know how some of these books turn out, as I am very excited to get a start reading them. I know that I'm also suppose to be working on writing some of my own, but right now I'm finding it difficult to get a topic/interest/or plot. I can write little snippets, or on here, but the thought of working on a plot is a little daunting, but I really need to so that I can go to next months writers meet up with something in hand.../e wishes there was a writing genie...If you have any thoughts, ideas, or suggestions let me know ;-) Who knows perhaps you'll be the inspiration for the next worst novel hehe!

Overhaul

Due to the fact that I was bored this morning, my poor blog got an overhaul this morning. I'm not sure how I like it yet...soooo I may change it back later. Feel free to leave me comments/opinions on the new look!!

P.S. If you like my blog and read it, then become a stalker (/e points to the right hand side bar), and follow my blog! It's sad that it says zero, so don't leave me hanging!!

Writers Meet Up

One of my new "activities" that I decided to try out as an attempt to get out a little is a writers meet up group that gets together monthly. My mom (who was still here) was a champ and came with me so I didn't have to go it alone, and I think she even came away a little inspired to write. She makes a fabulous editor - red pen in hand, and I still have memories of school papers that looked like a small animal had died on the pages. However, I am very much a better writer because of her, and I think it will be fun to see how she ends up developing into a writer herself. Ok, so back to the group. I was very impressed that it was so friendly, constructive, and yet everyone said something nice about each story piece that was read. Three people had brought work to share, and copies to allow people to make comments on or help correct. They were read allowed one by one with great discussion following each about strengths as well as ways to improve. I found it immensely helpful, and not like some writers groups where you end up leaving with tears in your eyes, and your papers in ribbons. I look forward to next months meeting, and now I guess I should start working on something to bring. I'm more then a little nervous about letting people that I don't really know yet look at my work, but how can you improve if no one ever sees it? My other challenge is to actually write something to share. At this point in time I think you could say I haven't been inspired in the creative story department, I mean come on my life reads like a poorly written tragedy at this point, and getting in the mood to write something sounds slightly daunting. I guess that I should just start writing short little pieces see what develops, and not worry about whether it is a C.S. Lewis masterpiece. Let this encourage you though to go try something new! I'm sure that no matter where you live you can get involved with something that interests you!!

Otherwise, mom left this morning to head home after her wonderful two week stay. I had to do a little praying tonight though as I laid in bed, because I have been doing much better the past week or so, and I guess I almost felt like the injured bird having to use his wings again for the first time since he broke them. Its that fear of falling again, that the loneliness, sleeplessness, and emotional junk will come raging back stronger then before. Jesus was good though, and as I laid there praying he put the phrase "...wait on the Lord, and be of good courage..." in my mind. What a great reminder! In my weakness He is strong, I don't have to be able to handle it on my own, and better yet I need to remember to take one day at a time!! I know that there will still be hard/bad days, but Jesus never leaves us, even in the hard times He is there, and He wants us to rely on Him. Thankfully with my awesome family, and wonderful God I'm going to keep on keeping on!

Hmmm

I couldn't think of a title, so sorry!

The past couple days have not had anything specific or exciting to write about. Mostly due to the fact that I've been at work, which happened to be a decent couple of days, but unless you want to hear about babies, snot, children that don't want to breath, vital signs, and SFL's famous "code browns" that were more like code greens then there is not much to say. On the other hand I have continued to think about life here. The book that I'm still working on (While the Heart Waits) has been really great! Written by an Episcopalian women in Anderson, SC the book revolves around her personal journey through a sort of mid-life crisis, and how the Lord taught her the value of waiting. It seems so funny that I've been so into some books mainly written for 40 somethings when I still get the whole "are you 16?". Oh well - it doesn't subtract from the great ideas and true struggles in this book. Part of me at this point in time would love to pick up and get out before the going gets worse, but "running" isn't me, and neither is it what Jesus would have us do (although it is so appealing). In reality what will change? Sure you may have a new environment, or closer people that you know, but God always finds a way for us to work through our issues, and if we abandon ship for another boat we'll find ourselves in the same storm later on down the road. Personally why not learn my lesson now, or at least attempt too? We will see how my body does as to whether I look into switching to a day shift job, or what changes that brings. Otherwise, I'm getting involved in some activities in the area, and hopefully that is going to make a big difference.

Making my way

Well, the last couple days have been suprisingly good; granted I've been at work for them, but still every good day is one step up. Tomorrow I'm forcing myself to take a trip to the doctor - I'm such a bad patient. I should know better, but I pretty much need to be dying for me to go, as I'm just not a big fan. Hopefully though we'll get some good answers from the blood work I'm going to get, hehe the doctor just doesn't know yet that I'm getting it. I'll let you know how things go ;-). Otherwise, I'm all set to activitize (like my new word?) my life! My mom has been such a good sport about looking stuff up, and planning for some activities to start. I know I'm a little scattered tonight (I blame it on tiredness), but I thought I should give you all a little update - and hopefully I'll have a better one soon!

The Daily Struggle

First of all - thanks to you all for the prayers and sweet comments that you've posted. I really appreciate them all, even though at times I feel like I depress everyone around me, and I hate that. However, maybe some of this will help you guys at some point. Also, know that if you EVER need a shoulder to cry on believe me I am always here, and now I have so much empathy I'll probably cry with you hehe.

How funny it is that at one moment I am doing alright, and getting through while the next minute my stomach is in knots, and I'm struggling. This is such a weird season for me! At church tonight I had a really good reminder about how God's power is best displayed through our weaknesses, but man...this is not fun. Haha, that is hilarious! Why do I expect my struggles and weaknesses to be easy? Doesn't that contradict the whole point of a weakness? I guess I just think that I shouldn't have to go through this, that dealing with the physical is soo much easier then the emotional; boy was I wrong. *sigh*. You know how you have a picture in your mind of the perfect wedding, house, or kids? Yeah, well I had the perfect idea of what life would look like. I mean heck I've dealt with a lot over my 23 years, right? I was like; "I have this under control - I can deal with this". HAHAHA - yeah right, I didn't see this curve ball...so can't handle it. I'm like the kid that looks up at their Dad saying "Dad I thought I could do it myself, but I totally messed it up. Can you fix it?" (SFL - no panicking ;p).

My mom has been here for the past week or so, and that has been an awesome support, but unfortunately it doesn't fix it all. Can you be bipolar, depressed, and anxious all at the same time?? :p I know that working through things take time, but part of me wishes that I had a guarantee that I was working towards something. Right now its hard, I'm looking to the future, trying my best to eat well, focus on the good, get involved with people here (i.e. not being so isolated), and really get back to the Lord. Maybe it just takes time. I guess I'm trying not to change everything in my life, and instead give things time to help. Its easy to wonder if I should attempt to move to day shift at all cost (i.e. switching jobs), if I need to go talk to "someone" (/e thinks that I would tell them I same things I say here - and what are they going to say?), or explore the thought that all this originates from some physical ailment. Poor Paul!! How I can understand his "thorn in the flesh"!

Maybe this is Gods' way to strip my pride? It is so hard for me to look people in the face and say that actually life sucks right now. I feel like I'm always the one with a smile, and to have the table turned is very humiliating in a way because I feel like one of those people on Dr Phill who we all laugh at saying how messed up their lives are, and "if only they knew Jesus". Well, here I am, a roller coaster mess. I really do hope that this is a God lesson, but you know what - even if it isn't does that mean His is in any less control of it? No. I guess I just want the assurance that there is an end to this, that I'm going to get "back to normal", that I'm not going to turn into some permanent mental case. Well, on a positive note - if that happens I guess I can quit work, get disability (for some mental disorder), and learn to knit. Haha, ok I don't think that is going to happen, or at least I'm clinging to the hope that it won't. I've always felt that God has a plan for me (not that I know what that is). I think I'm rambling, but somehow you guys on here have been an awesome life-line for me to just pour out my mess. It's not pretty, it's not even something you probably want to read, but it's my story, so thanks for listening.

Forging Ahead

Once again we are looking down the long hallway of the coming year hopefully with anticipation verses the available and often appealing selection of negativity that so often clouds our minds. I am actually excited for this new year, knowing that this Fall has been much the season of shedding; dropping the leaves I kept to surround my lonely and not so visually attractive branches (fyi - its an analogy). How funny it is that I would love to jump right to spring, to see the beautiful blossoms emerge from the cold and dull limbs. However, the critical part is winter - that season of solitude; a place where surrounded by snow and frigid air the life source of the tree dives deep into the ground pushing its roots farther out, that it might be sustained in the harshest of environments. If winter was skipped the blossoms that follow would be an empty display, and not a wondrous celebration of survival and hidden growth. Growth that can not even be fully appreciated until later when hardships befall, and the deep roots have a source of life that was created in that place of "winter". Hehe, like my analogies? Ok, so maybe that isn't the life cycle of a tree at all, but it seems like there are so many things in life that the Lord surrounded us with to help us process. 

It was really interesting, the other night I was alternating between reading the Shack, When the Heart Waits, and my Bible when I kind of got this cool revelation. If you have already thought about this, ooor you think my discovery is weird/wrong I understand but once again its my blog so bear with me. Anyways, so in Genesis 22 God tells Abraham to take his only son Isaac to this land called Moriah, and on one of the Mountains sacrifice his as a burnt offering to God. Now I don't know about you but I always thought about this story as God trying to test the obedience of Abraham, a test which he passes, and God (at the last moment) spares Isaac's life providing a ram as the offering instead. While I was thinking about this, it really hit me that this is really like God showing us (from His perspective) how much he loves us. If you think about the story substitute God for Abraham; you and me, for Isaac; and Jesus for the ram. Think about how Abraham's heart was breaking thinking about the imminent death of his only son. How much more did God's heart break with the knowledge that we were bound for eternal death? Did Isaac fight his father? Asking him what the HECK he was thinking as Abraham made him carry the own wood that he would burn upon? Nope! Isaac trusted his father, that he would not do anything that wasn't in his best interest. How often to I complain to God as I'm carrying my wood up some mountain? How often do I plot and plan some way to get rid of what I carry, thinking that somehow if God loved me I wouldn't have to go through this. Yet was it because Abraham didn't love Isaac that he made him work to walk up the mountain? No, of course not! Imagine the horrid pit filling Abraham's gut as they got closer to the top of the mountain, he adored his son, after all Isaac was the fulfilled promise from God; it wasn't suppose to end this way. I just got this cool visual picture of God relating to us in the same way. 

-Now the story has limits of course, because it wasn't like God is under some other authority, or that God doesn't know the end to the story, but for the sake of my personal revelation try to hang in there with me.

How amazing to think about the provision of God that when "we" are laying on the alter we built with our own hands, with the very wood God had us carry up the mountain, that God provides a substitute. Jesus chose to be like that Ram caught in the briars, placed that He might be used as a burnt offering, the fragrance of His death going up and pleasing the very heart of His Father. I thought that it was a cool picture, albeit a slightly different way to look at that story. 

See my musings can be interesting from time to time...Stay tuned for more from the inner workings of my mind!!

Theory Behind the Midlife Crisis

Once again, I must insist that whatever you read here should be no cause for panic, I am no Emo kid (/e points to google search engine) with suicidal inclinations. Actually, far from it. I am more in a soul searching, midlife crisis sort of time. I know - I know; you can tell me all you want that midlife crisis are for the 40s+ generation (sorry guys), but definately not for me.

The funny thing about "midlife" is that it is the time where all the things that we have surrounded ourselves with that keep up busy seem to fall away. Look at the average person. They finish highschool and either get married right then, or go to college, getting married shortly after graduation. Then come kids, sleep overs, homework, sports, clubs, as well as keeping up with work and your home. I think that we can so often surround ourselves with so much business so that we don't have to answer the question that always looms like a dark cloud on the horizon. Is there anything in life that truely matters? I mean come on now - be honest. How much of what we do avoids the painful sitting in the quiet place asking ourselves how much of our lives are like filler fluff? Can I call it my Ecclesiastes moment?

Growing up I never understood that book, it seemed to go against my optomistic spirit. Now, I think I'm going to take a good look at the wisdom hidden in such sarcastic words. I think in reality we have to come to a place where we understand that there is NOTHING in this life that will somehow give us the fulfillment that we crave. What then is the point to this life? It's about relationship with Jesus. That sounds like the cookie cutter answer, but more and more I think that it's true. Is it wrong to fill our lives with business? No. People were made for company, to interact with others (/e quotes Genesis). However, I guess that it's too easy to lose focus that our primary target is refining our own hearts in the heat of the fire God places in our lives, and some of those fires will revolve around interactions with others (i.e iron sharpens iron), and some of our ability to interact with people will come out of the refined places of our hearts. I don't know if that makes any sense...but once again this is my place to vent so you'll have to bear with me.

Someone once told me that the "here and now" was kind of like school, that it was a training time before true life began. That the short time we have here is a place to grown in the Lord, knowing that the lessons (albeit hard ones) that we go through now are refining us into the true people that the Lord created to fellowship with and live in the New Earth (after the 2nd coming). I must be rambling...Well, I promised I would update, so I think this will have to do for now. I'm hanging in there!! More to come soon!

The Dark Place

So...I'll give you a little disclaimer prior to you delving into this post, that I have been in a bit of a dark time lately, and if you aren't up to it you may want to hold off reading. However, this is my blog, and so you have to put up with me.

That said, I am sitting here on my couch at 2am feeling the tears run down my face, knowing that I'll look like a sun burnt marshmallow tomorrow. You may be wondering what is with all these uncharacteristic emotions, and the honest truth; I wish I knew. I guess that is part of the frustration. I would like to have a solid answer and why, but what do I have? Nothing; darkness, emptiness, whatever adjective you want to describe the swirling hole that has settled in my soul. Its funny you know...actually ironic...I have always seen myself as being unemotional to a fault, and now I cry over everything. Wow, I'm not sure I should be typing this, but its the best way for me to put into words my struggle, and all I can do is pray that the Lord uses my darkness to pull you closer to him.

I guess I should say that this point has been beginning since I went on a weekend trip this Fall, and experienced almost an anxiety attack when I went to sleep each night. I contributed it to switching from nights to days. However, it has persisted to be almost every morning when I would lay down to sleep, and now it seems that my life is enveloped in some internal struggle. I have contemplated whether its work, sleep (or the lack there of), money, spiritual attack, illness, loneliness, stress, etc that is causing this, but I have no answers. You know what is funny? I feel like I am standing on an empty road, a cross breeze blowing my hair across my face as I look backwards down the road. I can see the times in my life when these feelings had not yet taken root; when even in the hard times I wasn't afraid to wake up or go to sleep. Perhaps struggles are only half as painful because we have a prior - a time before them that seems to mock us from the safety of the past. There I stand on that road, not wanting to look ahead because all I can see is a barren wilderness, and yet the emptiness of it all propels me forward out of sheer need. One thing I can say is that this darkness has pulled me back from a place of wandering from the Lord to a tender place on my knees. It has given me a totally new mercy for people that have struggled with this for years, and if I didn't have my family and a God who -even in the midst of it all I know is bigger - then I think I would crumble. There is this song by Tenth Avenue North which rings so true in my heart, and maybe it will for you too.

"How long must I pray, must I pray to You? How long must I wait, must I wait for You?
How long 'til I see Your face, see You shining through?
I'm on my knees, begging You to notice me. I'm on my knees, Father will you turn to me?

One tear in the dropping rain, One voice in the sea of pain
Could the maker of the stars
Hear the sound of my breakin' heart?
One light, that's all I am
Right now I can barely stand
If You're everything You say You are
Won't You come close and hold my heart

I've been so afraid, afraid to close my eyes
So much can slip away before I say goodbye.
But if there's no other way, I'm done asking why.
Cuz I'm on my knees, begging You to turn to me
I'm on my knees, Father will you run to me?

So many questions without answers, Your promises remain
I can't sleep but I'll take my chances to hear You call my name
To hear You call my name."

I have no answers, I wish I did. All I can say is that if you have ever gone through something that you feel like sucks every last piece of life and hope out of you, don't give up; keep pressing on. Books like The Shack and When the Heart Waits have been like silk string holding me up from this hole; fragile and yet in the moment the strongest thing keeping you from free falling. Who knows where this will take me. I have contemplated everything from quiting work to going to therapy, and everything in between. One thing I do know; things can't stay the same. I am going to make a conscious effort to make relationships here, to get active, and to get involved in community, although right now that seems unappealing.

In 1933 Franklin D. Roosevelt stated in his inaugural address; "...let me assert my firm belief that the only thing we have to fear is fear itself—nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance". That statement is so true!! In the midst of fear is actually when pressing head on is the MOST important! I remember one time when I was little being taken on my first Ferris Wheel ride by my dad, and part way up the clutches of panic tore at me as I looked down at the ground growing farther away. Instead of telling me to shut my eyes, I remember my dad having me quote out loud 2 Timothy 1:7. "For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and a strong mind." I have never forgotten that verse. You would think that with all this in mind I could some how just deal - but I suppose that is the twisted way emotions and dark times work. There is no logic sometimes, and there is no quick fix. All I can say is "Jesus come and take my sinful, broken heart and bring me back to you. Don't give me more then I can handle, and help me to remember that there is no dark hole that you can't light up". That said, if anyone actually made it through that whole post please be praying with me that I could rest in God (apart from fear which is not from Him). Thanks for bearing with me through an excruciatingly long post. I have been meaning to type up something about this, and I guess tonight was it. I'm sure I will be posting again soon, thank you for giving me room to air out my thoughts!

Merry Christmas!

It is hard to believe that another year has come and gone!! I had started another post about some of the stuff that I've been going through this Fall, but I think a summary would do. This Fall has been very challenging for me, as with any move it can be hard to get adjusted, and I think that I have been dealing with a good bit of lonelyness. However, I am hoping to be on the upward swing, with some help from my God and my amazing family. I will keep you updated as I try to make a concious effort to get out of the house on my days off and do some fun activities to stay connected with people. I think that God has been doing some work on my heart to, which hasn't been fun, but it has been good, and I know that the outcome will be worth it!! One thing that was helpful during this season, was a book that my mom had been asking me to read since this summer. Sometimes there are just perfect times to read things, and the Shack was definately a book I needed to read now. If you haven't read it I would recommend that you do. I know that you may have heard some conflicting comments about it, and it may not really be in your "religous" comfort zone. However, if you want a book that will stretch you, and open your eyes to a different view of God then you may ever have had then you'll like this book. Hehe, that was my little push for my newest read ;-).

Otherwise, we were able to enjoy some days with my parents prior to Christmas which was soo fun. I am a very fortunate person to have an amazing family that excluding occasional spats really gets along very well. Although Christmas hasn't really seemed like what it was when I was a kid, it definately is still wonderful as long as you're with the people you love. I hope that you all have a blessed holiday season, and a fabulous start to your New Year.

O Christmas Tree

I know that everyone says that you should never put up your Christmas tree before Thanksgiving, however this year we are breaking the rule due to the fact that our family is coming into town for our big family Thanksgiving/Christmas. That said, my sister and I finally got our tree and blasted the Christmas music while setting it up and decorating. It was so much fun! We went with red and gold with white lights, and a nice red/gold bow at the top. I looks awesome, and much to our suprise the cat has not made a true effort at knocking it over - I'm so proud! I will definately have to do an update to all the festivities this weekend, so stay tuned.

Update

Time for another blogging update at an atrocious time of the night for most of you. My last several days off I have done a major cleaning out of my computer hard drive, which has caused me to think that I am just computer savvy enough to be dangerous. On some levels it was a great thing seeing as I had sooo much junk clogging up my computer space, and I was brutal in deleting files and programs. I mean - I had old documents from high school saved, and tons of PowerPoint's from nursing school...I probably could have taught four years of school just from my saved files (its scary in there!). Thus, I deleted, and deleted in the hope to open up a lot more space on my C: drive. Mm, ok the honest truth...I am a total computer nerd!! I was prompted to do this whole Fall cleaning due to the fact that I was wanting to download a new program on to my computer. The sad fact is that even after deleting tons of crap...I still am short like 2GB of space, which has me thinking that the program is entirely to large, and I should just forgo the whole adventure. We'll see who knows, perhaps I'll get bored and decide to upgrade my computer by hand, muahaha (as my computer attempts to hide). Yeah for being bored at 3am!!! Stay tuned for further updates, I'll try to remember to keep you posted on the computer. ;-)

Leaves

Today was one of those chilly, dreary, sprinkly kind of days. It was so appealing to have some fresh air, so I went outside to rake the backyard. I think that there must have been half a foot of leaves on the ground, because I now have three giant piles in my yard - I'm not quite sure what I'm going to do with them, I guess I need to see if the city picks them up...Oh, the joys!

This week I've been trying to decide if I want to start graduate school this coming semester, due to the fact that work will pay for it. However, I'm not yet sure what I want to do - and to be honest the thought of starting school again is slightly repulsive, so I guess we'll wait and see. It is a very nice benefit to have a degree like that on my resume, but.....yeah..........

Fall Time

I think that there are special people in this world destined to create titles to books, movies, and blogs...I am not one of those people - not even close...

I highly doubt anyone reads this anymore, due to my haphazard blog posts; however in some respects that is rather liberating. It is like being able to have a journal, a place where I can put words to the crazy thoughts rolling around in my brain; a journal where occationally someone as crazy as myself braves the webesphere (like my new word?) for a glimps into my internal mullings. Scary thought indeed.

The last several weeks have consisted of work, sleep, cleaning my house, and wandering cyberspace. Scratch that - I did actually go to the park last week to swing on the swingset for about half-an-hour. We have had some beautiful days this fall, and Velvet and I do enjoy some walks in the sun.

One nice evening I shared with my sister this week had me dragging her out to Lowe's (which by the way is one of my favorite stores - it smells good and there are no rudd people with carts) in order to find a Christmas tree and decorations so we can decorate after thanksgiving. We had lots of fun picking out how we wanted our tree to look, and I can't wait till we get to set it up, and see the vision take form. My poor sister...being an available listening ear may have not been on her agenda, but being the good sport that she is she graciously listened as I bemoaned my ticking biologic clock - ode to PMS. ;-) All in all we had some good sisterly bonding time, one of the benefits of finally living close.

Music City

Well, I'm finally getting settled in after my first week at work, which was mainly a lot of sitting and listening to policies. I must admit though the whole system is amazing. There are somewhere around 22,000 people who work and attend the medical center and university. Over 1 million people flowed through this micro-world last year. The amount of research, and learning that occurs here is amazing! Its kind of like going back to school in some ways, the medical center is surrounded by university, so you have medical staff, students, residents, teachers, patients, visitors, etc all meshing together. It is like a little city within a city! Hehe, and the nice part is that as staff we can have access to all the university stuff as well as the medical stuff. Woot! Hey I'm already part of my first research study, studying whether a pertussis vaccine eliminates your need for antibiotics after exposure.

Otherwise, the house looks soo cute. We're pretty settled, although there are still boxes laying around. The cat and dog are content enjoying their rule and reign. The weather has been amazingly nice too, although I get eaten by mosquitos outside, which puts a damper on my reclining on the porch. Oh well!!

Let me know if you need my new address. My phone and email have stayed the same ;-) Thank you all for your prayers, thoughts, and help throughout this process! Who knows where I'll head next, but I think I'm ready for a perminant place for a little.

Home Sweet Home

Well, we are finally moved in! I thought that day would never come, and my poor mother - I think I drove her crazy by constantly calling asking her to remind me that I was still somewhat sane. However, all that being said and done I am soo glad that my sister and I are settled here, and that we love it! Now I hope you know me well enough to know that the move was not without some very funny quotes on my end, and some crazy adventures.

Our first adventure occurred on the second day in the new house. My sister's boyfriend and his brother had come to help us move in, and they were awesome. Unfortunately, the keys to the boy's car were lost in the Bermuda triangle for keys; never to be found. This was bad on several fronts. First, the boys couldn't get home without a car...definitely need keys for that. Second, the car was parked behind the moving truck in the driveway...note to self - its really hard to get a giant moving truck out of a driveway when there is something parked behind. I suggested backing the truck over the car, but that was vetoed. Not getting the moving truck out that day was not an option though because the rental truck had to be turned in that evening.

Finally after most of the day attempting to get keys we realized that the moving truck had to get out - therefore we placed the car in neutral and pushed it out of the driveway long enough for me to pull the truck out (push the car back into the driveway) and return it. Prior to this I will tell you that we spent about 8 hours looking for the key and attempting to get a new key. We searched everywhere inside and out of the house...no luck. We drove to multiple car dealers with the hope of getting a new key - actually we did end up getting a new key from one dealer. To bad it was a key to the door not the ignition (we had already had AAA come out to open the door)...We even contemplated a six hour round trip drive to pick up a new set from the boy's house. In the end we hot wired the car (is that illegal??)(I might add after another couple trips to Lowe's (I love that store) for wires, a soldering kit, etc) and prayed that the wiring would hold all the way home.

To conclude: The truck was returned safely, the car was started, the boys got home safely, and we all slept REALLY well that night.

Let me just say that moving always holds surprises (at least for me), and there are always unexpected twists. I can't wait though to have some more stories for you soon!!

More scar art!

As I sit here typing I am sitting in the most awkward position ever trying to reach my computer stretch one leg out and not run into the wall. You would probably laugh at the sight! The question you might ask is how or why am I in this most uncomfortable position? Well, I have been adding to my collection of body scar art...ok, ok, so its not technically scar art, but I have to call all my mole/possible cancer removal spots something. As of yesterday I have a matching scar on the back of my left leg to the one on my right. And it hurts....yeah think of all you do with your legs, now think of doing it with stitches. Oh well, I'm just hoping that I can survive 12 hours of work with minimal pain. Note to self - take the elevator!

Nashville or Bust!

Today has been a good day! I could use some sleep seeing as I only got about 4 hours, but my lack of sleep was for a good cause. The Nashville hospital called today and offered me the position I had interviewed for, Wooopeee! Now the fun begins...where are those moving boxes?? Wish me luck as my sister and I begin the serious search for a house, and work on moving. I will try to take some fun pictures of the process.

Needless to say this summer is going to fly by. I will be done working in 3 weeks, trying to move in 5 weeks, going to my aunts for a visit, then heading to see the parents for a couple weeks so that I can relax, have some fun, reenact, and go to my friends wedding all before August 11th. Whew...."these feet are made for walking, and thats just what they do...." I think I wish my feet were made of lead ;-). More later!!

Summer has Begun

Hmm, so let me start off by saying that I have been horrid at keeping up with my blog. However, life is crazy as usually, so don't be too hard on me!

Summer is in full swing here, pollen and all; which fortunately for me is a non-event. Summer also marks the start of trauma season for the hospital as people are outside doing crazy things. Have I said lately how much I love my job? I guess that is a good thing, not many people can say! Granted there are days where I'd rather be anywhere but working, and the politics of work (ie. the hospital hierarchy) stink, but despite all of that I LOVE what I do.

Speaking of work, the newest info on the horizon is the possibility that I will be moving to the home city of all things music ;-). Yup that's right, Nashville, TN! Now nothing is set in stone, but the ball is rolling towards me working at a large children's hospital there in the same position that I have now. Its a wonderful opportunity as the acuity of there patients is much higher, and their unit is much bigger. I will keep you updated as plans progress.

As for the most recent adventures I spent Memorial Day grouting my friend from work's kitchen. Now before this little project began I was very naive as to the labor require in grouting. However, my body assures me that it is the most painful thing I have ever EVER done. Haha, granted we had fun doing it....but I think that every muscle in my body hurts and there are blisters on my hands like you wouldn't believe. Hmm, maybe its a good work out. If nothing else the kitchen looks amazing now - renovations are definitely rewarding. Note to self: think VERY carefully before taking on a renovation project. It also has me thinking that I can understand why early houses were small and lacked...complications.

Vampire Anyone?

I know that I don't really do the whole Halloween thing...however, were I to I think that I would have to be a little furry vampire bat. Hehe, because that is how I feel with my night schedule. The only thing different is that I don't hang upside down to sleep. Oh - and I don't drink blood of any sort, lol.

On another note, I am rather short on sleep. I got called into work half a shift on Satuday, then worked Sunday and Monday nights, then an hour after I got off work Tuesday morning I had to go to PALS (Pediatric Advanced Life Support) class till 5pm, and then class again all day Wednesday. Needless to say I was up for about 27 hours straight before I got any sleep. However - I passed my PALS class - YEAH!! On about 5 hours of sleep, so kudos to me. PALS was fun though, its where we practice assessing and treating life threatening situations (i.e. cardiac arrest, shock, etc). Anyway, its good to have done and the certification lasts 2 years.

Weeee, well I am off to get some much needed rest, but I'll try to write a little more soon ;-)

Life Upside Down

Hmmm, I don't think that my body knows what side is up; I'm hungry at all the wrong times, but otherwise I am finding that staying up all night and sleeping through the morning and early afternoon is quite easy actually. I suppose the hardest part is feeling disconnected from people seeing as I can't really call anyone during the night, and most people are not game for a social event at 3 in the morning. However, I LOVE working nights. It is busy and crazy at times, but the amount of people (ie doctors, family, misc hospital staff) is limited so my patient care is so much more focused. It is fabulous! The girls I work with are outstanding, fun, and over all we have a great time. How funny to think that this was not the most appealing job offer I got, nor is it the greatest hospital ever, but I don't think I could love my job more; and that speaks to me louder than any pay check that I am in the right spot for now. Who knows where we'll go or what we'll do, but imagine the great big world out there!!!! God created so much, and we're in control of so little - why not get out there and see what inspires you ;-) you might be suprised. Take my advise - if its your time to die there is no way to stop it, so be wise, but seize the moment, do something spontaniously, push the edge and see where it takes you! At 5:30 am I am not sure that whatever I just wrote makes any sense haha, but cheers anyway! I'm off to watch a movie and read a book before some sleep ;-). Happy commenting.

Fall At Last!

Yes, Fall is here! I love Fall - I love the temperature, the activities, the smells, and the holidays!! Today it really started feeling cool, as the temperature dropped to around 55 degrees. This finally means that I can open my windows and enjoy being cold for once. The cold weather also means...APPLE PICKING! Mmmm, who doesn't love to go apple picking on a cool Fall day, come home and make apple pie or homemade apple-sauce? I will post some pictures when we go ;-). We are also planning a fun hayride because they are just fun! That said - you, my faithful commentors will have to post tales of your favorite fall adventures!

As for work, I am switching to my full time schedule on Sunday where I will be working night shift (7-7) for at least the next year. Therefore, I will have too rules: 1) If you can't sleep you can always call. 2) If you call me before 2pm...I will kill you. We will see how it goes, I may be a bit tired for the first couple months.

I appologize that this post is not exactly poetic, or in anyway entertaining....however, it is a post! At some later day I will attempt to appeal to your creative sides ;-)

Creme Brulee Day

Have you ever had one of those days, a day where you get inspired to do something fabulous, something creative, something fun? A day where you want to make Creme Brulee? Ahh yes, today was one of those days. Now I know that not everyone may enjoy a well made Brulee, so feel free to insert above whatever creative creation you like; my point still stands. In every persons life there are days where you dream of that exquisite backdrop of a timeless classic that greets you on the doorstep of imagination and beckons you to into another world, time, and place. These are Creme Brulee days. The essence of Creme Brulee is within its innate simplicity. The elegance, the draw, the universal appeal is not credited to dazzling presentation or creative genius. Instead subtle class and simple flavors have given this desert longevity throughout the culinary world. How the same life works at times (I love when I can combine deserts and life lessons for an amazing illustration). Granted, there are things in today's world that I would miss were they to be removed. However, I think that in every heart there is a little need for the simple things in life. We may not be able to completely shed the complexity we live in, but I would encourage you to take a Creme Brulee day every now and again. Stop, enjoy where you are in life, enjoy a sunny day, the smells on the breeze, a sunset, the fog hanging on the mountain tops, the tousled hair of your kids as they sleep, or even just look back over the years. No man knows fully the hour in which he lives, and how sad it is to not enjoy every moment.

Welcome home to Tennessee!

Well my loyal commentors and readers alike, I am officially moved into my new apartment; which I might add is so cute! Mmm, actually its only half as cute as is will be when I have furniture ;-). Right now I write this to you seated on a giant plastic tub of clothes which I'm surprised hasn't broken yet due to me sitting on it for extended periods of time. Otherwise the place is still bare, however this weekend when SFL and WOT come I shall finally have furnishings! Yea!! This past weekend my old roomie paid me a fabulous visit, and we got to see some great sights around town. We also found our official restaurant, which we happened upon by sheer chance. You see, the night she arrived we were both hungry but didn't really know what places were around to eat in; when low and behold we saw this hilarious lighted sign on the right which said "Cootie Browns! Real Food!". The place looked packed, and well, we both looked at each other and knew that Cootie's was calling our name. I would never have dared to try the place by myself, but as I'm sure you've noticed two people are braver than one. Let me just tell you! The food was amazing, the atmosphere so perfect!! You can eat inside or out on tables each individually painted, surrounded by walls decorated with hand panted murals of what I can only suppose is the famous Cootie Brown. We had the best time, and declared Cooties as our official place to eat. I knew you would have to hear the story ;-) because I'm sure you can picture us sitting there laughing our heads off for two hours, while a mix of college students, families, and couples in their fifties sat surrounding our lively party, each one enjoying the night just as much as us.


Unfortunately the weekend always comes to an end, and today was my very first day of work! I was again asked if I was old enough to have graduated college and taken my licence exam...I think that its good I'll be working with kids, at least I know that they'll look younger than me. Hehe, alright, that said I am off to bed. Tomorrow is another early morning with a full day of sitting in chairs listening to speakers on patient care and employee benefits....joy ;-). More later!!

Weekend weddings, and M-Day!

It is hard to believe that we are at this point already, but nevertheless the relative end of summer has arrived! For those of you who might not know, I have passed my Nursing (NCLEX) Boards, and now have my official nursing license - How exciting! I am also leaving tomorrow to attend one of my oldest friends' wedding. I am definately not sure that there is enough space in Michigan to hold SFL, WOT, and our friends family who is definatly as weird as us! lol! From the wedding I am driving down to my new apartment, where I will have a week to settle in before my first week of work orientation. In the midst of that I have a great friend from school coming up for the weekend, and my parents will be coming down a week later. Whew, I swear my life is crazy! It is exciting though to think that I will finally get to have my own place, and not have to move in 4 months. I know that life in the real world can slip into a boring rut at times, however, I am excited to have an apartment to come home to, and I know that work will definately keep me busy for quite awhile.

Well, I know that it was not the most interesting of posts, but I will try to come up with something more creative for the next time. Until then!

Global Warming? Say what!

I don't know about your normal family conversations over the dinner table - assuming you have such events...but I will tell you that we have had some impressive ones. If you have ever eaten at our place you probably remember some such strange conversations, ranging from the creative naming of potential spouses, to the thermodynamics of a fart (eww - SFL we seriously do not need a demonstration!). The past several days have however, considered more serious intrigues. It began when SFL informed us that by next year all car companies will be mandated to only produce vehicles who get at least 35mpg. Now the reason given to the enforcement of this law was that it would help lower carbon emissions which influence global warming. This topic is a very interesting "ball" to toss around in a discussion, and before long the question became what global warming (assuming it exists) is caused by? How much CO2 is truly produced by cars, and in which countries? Is increased mpg the BEST way to control CO2 emission? How much CO2 is normally required on earth for living things (especially plants)? I must note here that I did suggest that we just put a limit to the number of times people can breath per minute, because after all we produce CO2 every time we exhale...however, that suggestion was not really viewed as possible (shame). Nor was my other alternative observation that CO2 might be decreased if we only wipe out the entire earths population.....once again shot down...



Now all these questions are quite interesting, and after one evenings' conversation much reading and research was done, and by the second night several answers had emerged. It always amazes me how creative the human mind is! It also amazes me how often in this age where information is so easy to access choose to remain ignorant. Granted, many topics do not appeal, and yet what a better place to discuss topics that you may be ignorant of than the dinner table? Haha, I feel like a commercial for on ABC for the "family table". Truly though! I suppose that another good point is that you should never believe what you hear ;-) after all CO2 only composes 12% of greenhouse gases (I think thats right...WOT care to verify?), so perhaps there are other gases which would be better decreased. There are so many components to almost any issue you care to talk about, which is the very foundation of debates! No, no I am not saying that this vehicle law should not be put into place, however I am saying that it behooves us to think and talk about those issues which concern our world.

Well, I guess you will never get bored with the number of completely random and separate blog topics that show up....hmm...aren't you glad you don't live in my mind ;-).

Moving on Down, moving on down tooo the south side...

Well it is official! Whether I like it or not I am now a Tennessee resident, and will be moving to my very first job by the beginning of August. I will by working in a Pediatric ICU, I think that working will kids will be both challenging and fun. WOT and I did have to take an unexpected trip down this past week to get my licence, car title, etc to prove my residency so that I could take my nursing exam....yuck! It was a pain!! I loved getting to see DOT and hang out with her for a couple days, but both mom and I were not as excited to sit in the car for a nice 12 hour trip one way. I think that I've put around 3000 miles on my car since the end of April - if my butt never sits in another car it will be too soon!

Well, now that my fate is sealed I have begun packing, and hopefully sorting out what to take now and what to just pack for a later move. *Sigh* I hate packing, but I am excited. Mostly I have realized how fast this summer is going to fly! Also, if any of you are ever coming down my way you will have to stop by for a visit, and see my apartment - which I hope to have decorated cutely ;-). Alright - more later!

Flying By

Isn't that just the story of life hmm? How easy it is to fill our lives with so many things some good, some not, and some just in the wrong order on a list of priorities. I suppose that the difficultly in complexity is when I lose focus of the Lord. Busyness in itself is not bad, too often however are the nights when I roll over to turn off the light on my nightstand, and see my Bible resting there untouched. How tragic would it be if I ignored the prick of the Holy Spirit on my heart? There are so many things in this world that I have just adjusted to - that every now-and-again I wonder if I shouldn't feel something when I see them. For example; just this week I pulled up MSN home page and a story headline caught my eye. At first I laughed at the irony of it, but it has nagged my thoughts this week. It said something like: From the devastating civil war in the Sudan comes good news (at this point I'm thinking oh cool the war ended!)...(read on)...National Geographic shows new aerial footage showing knob antelope are thriving there.

I struck me how misplaced our priorities often are. After all how many times have you seen news on the thousands of people dying in Africa and around the world each day from war, disease, and famine? I know that being stewards of earth is definitely a responsibility given to us by the Lord, but how greater then is our responsibility to the hurting and lost people surrounding us? Granted, we are not all called to fly to the Sudan :-P, but we are all called to be lights in the darkness, to stand humbled in the presence of our God, and to glorify the Lord in EVERY thing that we do. Oh that I might not live my life including God in it - but that I would include my life in the Lord - even the busy parts. Weird thought isn't it.

Mmm, sorry for my rambling. :-) See I'm attempting to actually keep up on here! More to come later - as I get inspired again.

Life Changes Once Again

By now I am sure that most anyone who read my blog in past editions, as since given up hope that I would ever update. However, I am here to say that this record of my doings and where-abouts is far from complete.

I have finally graduated college with my BSN in Nursing, and am proud to say that it was with Honors. My parents and sister came down for the event, and we all had a wonderful, yet exausting time. Leaving was horrid I'll admit. I think I cried enough tears to flood my apartment again; as I drove down the street with the T's standing in their driveway. Mrs. T has called several times and says that Kate still asks when I'm coming home...I miss them tons!!

However, I have stayed fully busy in the few weeks I've been home. I am studing for my Nursing Boards to get my licence (it is so wrong that you have to study AFTER school), and trying to figure out where I'll be working. Right now I am actually leaning towards working in Tennessee as a Pediatric Intensive Care Nurse in a childrens hospital. Along with all the paper work I need to complete, I am also apartment hunting, and trying to get my adult life situated. Mom, dad, and I also just got back home from a wonderful trip to Maine so the parents could go to a rock digging class all week. They had a blast, and I enjoyed Maine! I was hopping ever so much to see a moose...but no - it wasn't to be. Now I can cross off my list of states to see, three more.

It is good to be back home though, and I am back in the swing of reenactments for the summer. We already had our first event, which happened to be four days instead of the usual three because we did an extra school education day that over 400 kids came to from over 4 schools!! As fun as it was, you have NO idea how badly I wanted a shower......

Well, that is about all for now - I will try to be much more faithful in my accounts, and keep you up dated on my work situation. Thank you all for the prayers and thoughts!

The Final Count Down...

My four years at school has finally funnelled into these last two weeks before I walk proudly across the stage (hopefully not to fall) and receive my diploma. As I look back it flew by, and yet when I truely think about it, I can remember soo many things that have happened. Although I have no idea yet where I am going, what I am doing, or when it will be; I do know that I will miss school for all its challenges and opportunities alike. I am hoping to have a nice graduation photo to post here or send to you guys ;-) I'll post more later, as I'm sure you will want to hear all my graduatory news.

Birthday #22!!

Happy Birthday to me I live in a tree I may look like a monkey, but thats because I'm hairy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


lol, ok ok...Well I am officially 22, I know crazy! Things have been busy, as a brief summary -


- I passed my one class (hip hip hooray) - even got a B!
- Spring Break was awesome - my sis is the best and we had so much fun!!! Lots of food, fun, REALLY loud music, bad mom jokes, and laughing.
-Mrs. T is back home (YEA!!) from visiting her sister for 12 days (poor Mr. T) who recently found out she has cancer, so please be in prayer for their family, and for her sister who is not a Christian.
- Once again, we had to plung my bathroom tube which was full of crap....which had backed up from the upstairs bathroom...yuck....it was sooooo gross....
- I went to the most REDNECK Civil War Reenactment ever....I hate to say it, but it was REALLY redneck. I did feel bad though one of the guys actually shot himself in the leg (although it was a blank) and the force of the powder actually put a hole in his leg. He'll need some stitches, so they took him in the ambulance, poor guy.
- I had a fabulous birthday!!!
- I meant to have this really awesome theological post...but I knew it would be exausting...so, you'll have to wait for another time.

Ok, thats about all :-) I'll write more soon!!!